A Tokers Guide to Smoking Ganga in Jamaica

I have lived and worked in Jamaica for much of my life and in all the years that I smoked pot down there (and I smoked it 24-7) I was never busted. That is because I am cautious by nature and I listen to warnings from locals which has kept me out of trouble. There was this one time I can remember however where I did not follow the rules of common sense. It was a warm summer Friday and my Jamaican friend Righteous and I were driving along the main road from Montego Bay to Kingston. As usual I had a burning spliff in my hand as I enjoyed the laid back feeling of Jamaica, the scenery and the eighty-five degree sunshine. What was not usual that Friday was that my friend was driving. Usually when I am at the wheel and smoking pot I scan the road ahead for police type problems. Accidents, road checks, vehicle inspections. That kind of thing. As an aside in over 30 years of driving, much of it with a joint in hand, I have never had an “at fault” accident. That includes driving in Canada, America, Mexico, England (left hand drive), the Middle East and the Caribbean (left hand drive). A couple of clowns have run into me from behind while I was stopped at a light but other than that my driving record is accident free. On the Friday I am writing about I was in the passenger seat when we rounded the corner of a remote town near the Parish of Saint Ann’s where a lone Jamaican policeman on foot patrol suddenly popped out of some bushes at the side of the highway. He held up his hand to stop us for a road-side check and Righteous stomped on the binders while I looked at my Jamaican friend with eyes that questioned his sanity. He stopped the car right beside the lone constable and there was no time to drop my joint. He could have driven past some distance to let me drop my spliff and then reversed back to the cop. Instead he locked up the brakes and stopped right beside the officer and there was nothing I could do but hide the still burning spliff in my hand.

The constable was dressed in a starched white shirt and dark trousers with a stripe down the leg. He had a big gun strapped to his twenty-six inch waist but had no radio and no handcuffs. He asked me first where I was going and then with a pronounced sniff and a wrinkling of his nose he asked me what was in my hand.

“Nothing,” I answered without opening my hand.

“Show me your hand the policeman demanded.”

“Nothing to show,” I responded without turning over my hand.

“I smell herb,” he said.

“No mon,” I lied as the burning spliff smouldered beneath my clenched fingers.

“Let me see your hand.”

 At this point I looked over at my friend Righteous.

“Fix it up mon,” I told him.

  Righteous sweet talked the cop in the way that only a Jamaican can. He smiled broadly like a child caught over some petty offense and told the policeman that I was a visiting tourist who did not understand the rules. Then he handed over a two hundred dollar bribe and we drove off with the joint still in my hand while the cop waved us a bon voyage and happy toking. Other than that one episode I had no other problems smoking weed in Jamaica in over 20 years. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Never smoke weed while driving on a Friday. Friday is the day when the Jamaican police collect bribes to spend on the weekend. The cop at the side of the road had no real interest in our weed. He would happily have taken a bribe for driving without a license, speeding, a broken headlight or any other infraction real or imagined. Later I asked my Jamaican friend why he stopped the car like that when we could have just driven past the cop without stopping. Especially since the cop was in the middle of nowhere with no car, no radio and no cell phone. So why bother to stop? Well that was the second thing I learned that day about Jamaica. Jamaica is a small island sixty miles wide by a hundred and some miles long. Everyone knows each other and my friend Righteous would not dare drive past a policeman without stopping when ordered to. So here is my first lesson for tokers holidaying in Jamaica.

Always be extremely careful just before the weekend.

If I had been careful that Friday I would have (A) not smoked in the car and (B) stashed any pot I was carrying inside the car doors before the trip began. Be advised that the first place the Jamaican constabulary will look during a road roust is in your cigarette package. The second place is your pockets. And don’t think you can just shove your bag of pot into your crotch and get away with it. The police have long fingers and are not shy to poke down your shorts for a quick feel. The best place I have found to transport small amounts of weed when travelling in Jamaica is in the door panels of my rented cars. Just give a little pull on the bottom of the interior door panels and they snap open revealing several small cavities in the metal doors. The cavities are often covered with a layer of plastic which I tear open and then insert my ounce or two of weed into the openings. The Jamaican cops probably know about this hiding place but either can’t be bothered to tear apart the doors of a rented car to look for pot or have been advised that a bust for pot found in the doors of a rented car would not stand up in court. Speaking of court don’t ever go there. If you are ever busted for pot or anything else in Jamaica (or in any third world country for that matter) reach deep into your pockets and remove all of your money ( at least a couple of hundred US) and give it to the arresting officer with a friendly smile. Say “hold this mon,” as though you are giving him a Christmas present and show no animosity. Do it quickly and offer your bribe to the first cop you see before any other cops come sniffing around which will end up costing you much more. If you don’t have enough money for a bribe don’t be shy to offer to go with the cop to a bank or a bank machine or to your hotel room or safe or to a friends place to get more money. All of these options are preferable to ending up before a Jamaican judge who is impossible to bribe. Once your case reaches court it is too late to bribe anyone and you will be detained for at least a week or so and have to pay a fine before being released. I have had friends who landed in jail in Jamaica and it was not a pretty scene. Curiously when they were released after paying their fines they were not deported. My second lesson to tokers in Jamaica (and elsewhere) is valid even if you do not intend to break any laws there. Always carry bribe money. Tourists are extremely vulnerable in foreign environments and their only recourse to danger or problems in a strange land is cash. Keep your bribe money separate from your other money and conceal it on your person.

Always carry bribe money at all times in Jamaica and in all foreign countries.

  In spite of my warnings and suggestions I am not advising anyone to smoke pot while driving anywhere-especially in Jamaica. The deal with pot smoking in Jamaica is this. You are safe to smoke inside your hotel room or dwelling. You are safe to smoke on private property such as at hotels and villas. You are not safe to smoke it in public areas such as streets or in public buildings. You are safe to smoke at rock concerts. You are not safe to smoke it in theaters. You are safe to smoke on a remote beach. You are not safe to smoke while driving to that beach. You are safe to buy weed from roadside stands that sell fruits and vegetables. Most of the stands will sell you pot or will refer you to another stand that has pot for sale. You are safe to buy weed from the boys at the airport gas stations although it is usually crap. You are safe to buy weed from the yardmen or waiters and bellmen at hotels. You are probably even safe to buy weed from cops in Jamaica although I never have and I don’t recommend trying it.  You are safe to stash your weed in your hotel room-a good place is in the bottom of the drapes. Most hotels have thick heavy drapes whose lining along the bottom can be pulled or cut open along the seam. Your small bag of pot is safe there. Some rooms have ceiling tiles that can be lifted up or removed and your weed stash can be hidden up there. I check the ceiling tiles routinely when I check into a room and often I have found the remnants of the last visitor’s stash of weed, cocaine and even money. Basically Jamaica is a weed friendly country that produces some of the finest ganga in the world. No one in Jamaica really wants to spoil your holiday by busting you for small amounts (under an ounce) of ganga but everyone down there is broke and everyone needs money. So be generous when buying your pot and don’t bargain too hard. Let the dealers make a little bit of profit to feed their families. If someone turns you on to a weed dealer pay him a little something for the favour. If a cop questions you about weed, maybe he smells it on your breath or hands, be friendly and pay him something. Don’t get defensive. Do not admit guilt ever but thank him for being a nice cop and protecting you from thieves and bandits and offer him some money. It doesn’t have to be much if it’s not a direct bribe for being caught at something. Twenty dollars US is an appropriate amount to deflect any problems before they begin. A few twenty dollar bills spread here and there can be the difference between the trip of a lifetime and the nightmare of a lifetime. So go to Jamaica mon and enjoy the sun and surf. And if you are a weed toker follow my guide to a fun holiday with no surprises.